how to make friends and build a strong support network as an adult

It can be hard making friends as an adult. Especially if you’ve moved cities, stepped into a new stage of life, or started at a new workplace.

Whether you’ve got a partner that you love, family members nearby, or friends from childhood — it’s important that you have a strong support network. Disclaimer: this means that you’re not just relying on one person to be your everything.

So, what is a support network?

Building a support network means finding and investing in a group of different people who can offer emotional, social, and practical support during difficult times. This can include friends, family members, colleagues, mentors, support groups, and healthcare professionals like a counsellor or psychologist. Here are some steps you can take to build a support network:

1) Identify the people in your life who can offer different types of support.

If you’re an entrepreneur, it’s important that you find other entrepreneurs, or a coach who can empathise and support you. It’s hard for someone who’s never been in business to give you support and practical advice for your business. Same goes if you’re a new mum. It’s important to find other mums — whether it’s on a local Facebook mum’s group, or reaching out to friends or family members who either are currently a new mum, or have experience raising kids. Think about the people you can turn to for emotional support, those who can help with practical tasks, and those who can offer professional guidance. It can be draining and disappointing if we turn to someone who might not specialise, have experience in, or qualify to help us in certain areas of our lives. So it’s important to seek out the right people who can offer us the support that we need at a given time.

2) prioritise Making the time to connect with people

When you’re in school, your schedule is set for you. You always get to see your friends at recess and lunch, and your parents probably drive you to all the extracurricular activities. When you leave school, the things you don’t prioritise or schedule will not happen. You don’t have a set timetable given to you for every aspect of your life. Your parents are no longer driving you around everywhere.

Your priorities are up to you, and though uncomfortable at times — it’s even more important to schedule regular time with the people in your support network. This could be as simple as having a weekly phone call with one family member, having drinks with the girls, or the boys once a fortnight, checking in with your business coach every month, or heading to your mum’s group every week.

When you know how important it is to prioritise connecting with different people who you can relate to (and vice versa), you will prioritise time with them. Schedule it in. Book things in your calendar in advance. Even if it feels cringe at times to go to a networking event. Even if it feels scary to introduce yourself to a new mum’s group on Facebook — take the step to meet new people who are in a similar stage of life to you. And if you feel like the vibe is a good fit — consider committing to see them, or catch up with them regularly. It could also be a good idea to join a support group or volunteer for a cause that you care about. This can help you connect with new people who share your interests and values.

Be realistic with your time, be honest about whether you feel as though it’s a good fit. Try and make catching up with these people as consistent as you can. Even if it’s once a month, or every few months. Check in with your support network regularly and offer your support in return. Remember that every relationship is a two-way street.

3) Be open and honest

If you feel like the people you’ve connected with are a good fit for your personality, and share similar values — this can give you a great base to be honest. When you share your thoughts and feelings with your support network, it will help them understand what you need and how they can best support you. Not only that, it will build a layer of trust. Vulnerability is strength, and when in the right situations and circumstances, it can be really liberating. Both to yourself and the people you connect with too.

In a world that glamourises highlight reels and unrealistic standards of living — it can help you to connect on a deeper level and build a more trusting relationship with the people around you by being honest about your struggles, fears, insecurities and other things that you’re working through.

This can take time — but it’s worth it.

Making friends and building a support network as an adult can be daunting and uncomfortable at times. But it’s really important that you find and invest in a group of different people who can offer emotional, social, and practical support during difficult times. It can take a little bit of work, a little bit of trial and error — but it will be worth the risk and discomfort.

When you have a strong circle of friends, family members, colleagues, mentors, support groups, and healthcare professionals like a counsellor or psychologist — you can trust that you’ll be able to navigate life’s challenges as you feel supported, and are able to give the same support to people in a similar life stage with you.